Late last week we all lost track of spotdog.. He may have wandered off into the desert on some peyote driven quest as far as I know, but until we find out where the hell he is, I, Lou, will be doing the thankless task of bringing you the PreView Reviews…
Chicken Little – Remember that cute story you heard when you were a kid about the little chicken who thought the sky was falling? Well, this is nothing like that. This has a huge pig thingy getting into a fight with a ATM machine.

Dear Pixar,
Please don’t leave. We’re sorry we were so selfish. We promise we’ll be better this time. Just come back and show us how to make good movies again.
Love Always,
Disney
P.S. You know Eisner’s gone, right?

8 Drinks to Enjoy
Jarhead – Jarhead just makes me think of waterhead which makes me think of Git Er Done which makes me think of rednecks which makes me think of moonshine which makes me think of getting completely blitzed in the middle of nowhere drinking out of a mason jar… huh. jar…head.

5 Drinks to Enjoy

Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
Doom – Do you smell what The Rock is cookin’? No? Oh, well it’s crap. A huge hunk of first person shooter crap.

8 Drinks to Enjoy
Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story – I still can’t that image out of my head. Dakota Fanning is Satan’s spawn. True Story.

10 Drinks & 4 cans of Jesus Juice to Enjoy
North Country – Ancient proverb say, “Bandana and dirty face do not an Oscar-winning prostitute serial killer make.”

7 Drinks to Enjoy
Stay – No. Seriously go.

8 Drinks to Enjoy

Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
Domino – Please refer to title of post.

4 Drinks to Enjoy
Elizabethtown – That gay rat-looking guy from the hobbit movie and that saggy breasted whiner from Spiderman 2: The Freudian Years star in the latest from that guy who made that gay Scientology guy be completed by that lemon-sucking face chick who married that gay cowboy for a couple weeks back in June. 100 bucks says there will be a lot of poignantly placed 70s rock. I am a golden god!*

7 Drinks to Enjoy
The Fog – WBTV Superman is in this movie so I’m sure it’s crap. Not that I have high expectations of a movie about killer fog, but it’s PG-13 which inevitably means no boobage which inevitably means no spotage.

9 Drinks to Enjoy
*P.S. I’m on drugs.

Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
In Her Shoes – If it were called In Her Pants… Guaranteed hit. Shoes? Not so much. Too much estrogen for the spotdog.

9 Drinks to Enjoy
Two for the Money – Pacino? Check. Sports betting? Check. Pacino? Check. Sounds good to me. It’ll probably be crap, but the director is that guy who made that sweet meth movie a couple years ago where Vincent Dinofrio didn’t have a nose, so he gets a free pass in my book. Wait a minute.. he also made Taking Lives?!? Free Pass Already Given. Forget it. Skip it.

6 Drinks to Enjoy
Waiting… – I can’t properly give this a review because I know the people who made the damn movie. The script was funny back in the day when I first read it. Given, I think I may have been doing copious amounts of illegal performance dehancing drugs then, but I honestly don’t remember. All I’ll say is go see it. If it sucks, send all your hate mail to Lazlo@SorryIGotDrunk.com.

5 Drinks to Enjoy
Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit – Wait for the rental. Get stoned. Watch. Eat Cheetos.

6 Drinks to Enjoy

Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
Serenity – I have an idea. Let’s take a crappy tv show that was cancelled because no one watched it, not even the Buffyfucks who suck Josh Whedon’s balls all day and make it into a freakin’ movie. The show sucked then. The movie will suck now. Serenity Not.

8 Drinks to Enjoy
Into The Blue – If this were called Into The Pink, I would so be first in line. Unfortunately, it isn’t, so I’ll probably just catch the Saturday matinee in Hollywood. Come by if your there. You won’t be able to miss me. I’ll be the one with the raincoat and sweatpants on.

6 Drinks to Enjoy
The Greatest Game Ever Played – Please.

9 Drinks to Enjoy

Hey all, spotdog here. First off, sorry about no reviews last week as I was knee deep in my own vomit somewhere on the South side of Chicago and couldn’t be bothered by Reese Witherspoon’s sorry face. So, without any further ado, here’s this week’s PreView Reviews…
Flightplan – I don’t know about you, but I’m saving all my action movie set on a plane energy for Snakes on a Plane. That’s just the way it is. And anyway, Jodie Foster was only hot when she was a 12 year old hooker in Taxi Driver. Just Sayin’.

8 Drinks to Enjoy
Roll Bounce – Another crappy Nick Cannon movie where he prances around all pussy-like trying to make us all believe how much street cred he has and how hip hop he really is, except this time he’s back in the 70s and he’s into roller skating. And look at that fro! You won’t believe the comedy they make just on hair pick jokes alone! Wait, it’s not Nick Cannon. Shit. It’s (Lil) Bow Wow. Huh. I stand by my original statement.

9 Drinks to Enjoy
Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride – I can only assume that this movie is about Helena Bonham Carter as she has been legally dead for 15 years, but I didn’t know that they were married yet. In that case, then I guess it’s about Lisa Marie, Timmy’s Ex who I didn’t know had died. All I do know is that I distinctly remember “dying” with her multiple times in the past. Dying, in the biblical sense of the word. You know, by jerkin’ off. See why here and here.

6 Drinks to Enjoy

Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
The Exorcism of Emily Rose – You only need one reason to see this movie. It’s not The Man.

5 Drinks to Enjoy
The Man – See Above.

10 Drinks to Enjoy

Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
The Constant Gardener – My weed dealer on speed.

5 Drinks to Enjoy
A Sound of Thunder – The sound of thunder was apparently so quiet they didn’t even promote this piece of shit. The Brother McMullen goes back in time to fall in love with a dinosaur, eventually leading to the birth of Paula Abdul. Sounds like a winner to me. (Insert seal clap here).

8 Drinks to Enjoy
Transporter 2 – I’m not sure if you’re aware of the fact that he beats the shit out of people with a fire hose in this film or not. That alone should qualify it for best picture. Fast cars. Check. Half naked women. Check. Hose-Fu. Check. You know what I say. Grab a bottle of cheap brown booze, sit your ass down in the theatre, and enjoy.

4 Drinks to Enjoy
Underclassman – Nick Cannon poses as a high schooler in what is sure to not be the laugh riot comedy of the summer. One of the quotes in the ad says, “You girls are 18, right?” “If you add our ages together, we’re 34.” Sounds like my kind of math, except usually my girls can’t add that high. Just sayin’.

8 Drinks to Enjoy

Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
The Brothers Grimm – Let me tell you a fable about an truly amazing visionary director who has been throughly chewed up and spit out by the Hollywood machine and now brings us a bullshit fantasy film with a bunch of bullshit CGI and lets Harvey Fucking Weinstein fuck with his film and his poster and his movie so that it ends up homogenized fantasy pap with Matt Fucking Damon instead of Johnny Depp like it was intended. Oh wait, that’s not a fable. That’s the sad fucking truth. Where’s that giant foot that Terry used to draw for Monty Python when you need it? (Cue squish sound).

8 Drinks to Enjoy
Undiscovered – Ashlee Simpson is in this movie.*

9 Drinks to Enjoy
The Cave – Unless this is Bruckheimer’s version of Plato’s Cave, then I’ve got nothing to say. I just want Nic Cage as the leader of a ragtag group of virtually blind togo-wearing bandits as the come to escape their shackles, running as fast as they can through goons with poor shooting skills to the nearest strip club. All to the sounds of Kid Rock. Or Motley Crue. Yeah, Motley Crue would totally thrash!

7 Drinks to Enjoy
*That’s it. That’s the joke.

Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
The 40 Year Old Virgin – I would make some lame joke about one of my friends and the eventuality of them ending up a 40 year old virgin, but I hang out with raging alcoholics, ridiculously addicted drug users, and just overall heavily medicated kids. The odds of any of them making it to 40 are about as low as Bridget The Midget’s ass during an ankle dance. Just see the damn movie.

4 Drinks to Enjoy
Red Eye – Sure. Sounds great. Make it a double.

8 Drinks to Enjoy
Supercross – I almost bought one of these Supercrossbows one night when I was DrunkEbaying. They’re camoflauge and you can shoot deer or foreigners from over 500 yards away. I think some of them even come with poison tip arrows and those are good for sorority parties.
Alternate: Look! On that hill! It’s a Guillotine, It’s a Gallow. No! It’s Supercross!

7 Drinks to Enjoy
Valiant – There’s really nothing much funnier than World War II, ya know? And if were to think of the best children’s movie I could think of, it would definitely be about carrier pigeons who have to deliver important messages during a fucking European genocide. Maybe they’ll poop on Hitler’s head or something clever like that. Oh, the hilarity of the Holocaust.

9 Drinks to Enjoy