Religions change; beer and wine remain.
–Hervey Allen

Women! Can’t live with them…pass the beer nuts.
–Norm (Cheers)

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
–Dave Barry

Between 9 and 10 AM the American radio is concerned almost exclusively with love. It seems a little like ending breakfast with a stiff bourbon.
–Dean Acheson

The house smelled of brisket and bourbon. That’s the music I grew up on.
–Billy Crystal

“Alaska. Where you cant be too fat, or too drunk.”
–Homer Simpson

“A woman drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her.”
–W.C. Fields

“My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.”
–Winston Churchill

“I’m alright – my body’s a drunk.”
–Dean Martin

Slash sat me down at his house and said, You’ve got to clean up your act. You know you’ve gone too far when Slash is saying, Look, you’ve got to get into rehab.
–Charlie Sheen