“Seth’s Mom developing a drinking problem in about three seconds and shattering the record (held jointly) of Alison Parker and Bailey Salinger for “Fastest drinking problem by a TV character on Fox” (just once I want to see a TV character have a drinking problem with no repercussions whatsoever, but that’s a personal thing).”
–Bill Simmons of ESPN Page 2 talking about one of the Problems of Lazlo’s Beloved OC to show’s creator Josh Schwartz.

From RESCUE ME:
TOMMY
I changed. I quit drinking!
TOMMY’S DAD
That doesn’t mean you’ve changed. That just means you’re a pussy.

“Speaking of Lance, everyone keeps raving how he’s such a physical specimen, how he’s unbelievable, how he’s an inspiration and everything else — and I’m not denying any of that — but what about Jack Nicholson? The guy’s been partying like a madman for four decades now: Outlived Belushi and Hunter S., looks 10 times better than Keith Richards and Jan Michael Vincent, still hangs with 25-year-olds and Playboy bunnies … I mean, everyone else from his generation is either dead, brain-dead or stone-cold sober, and he’s still chugging along like a college sophomore at Mardi Gras. So where’s his Nike commercial?”
–Bill Simmons of ESPN Page 2

“I think our audience is mostly made up of drunk people with enormous IQs and college kids.”
–Matt Maiellaro, one of the creators of Adult Swim
(Word.)

“It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.”
–Abraham Lincoln
(Yeah, I realize it’s not completely a drunk quote, but hey, I’m sure he hit the bottle. I mean, he wore a stovepipe hat for Christ’s sake, and if Abe didn’t know what he was talking about, then we’re all screwed. AND by this equation, then Lazlo is the most virtuous person on the planet. Wait. Maybe Lincoln didn’t know shit after all.)
-Lou

From Bill Simmons’ OC wrap up over at ESPN Page 2:
“By the way, just once I want to watch a show where somebody has a parent who drinks too much, only it doesn’t affect the people around them and actually makes them more fun to be around. I know people like this. You know people like this. Why aren’t they on TV?”
Read the rest of his write up here.

“Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he’s carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he’s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you’re drunk.”
–Jack Handey

From Ernest Hemingway:
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. ”
“This wine is too good for toast-drinking, my dear. You don’t want to mix emotions up with a wine like that. You lose the taste.”

These from Oscar Wilde:
“I have made an important discovery… that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.”
“Work is the curse of the drinking class.”