“The trouble with the world is that everybody is three drinks behind.”

- Humphrey Bogart

I`ve been sober now for 18 years. With all the drugs, psychedelics and narcotics I did, I was [really] an alcoholic. Honestly, I only used to do cocaine so I could sober up and drink more. My last five years of drinking was a nightmare. I was drinking a half-gallon of rum with a fifth of rum on the side, in case I ran out, 28 beers a day, and three grams of cocaine just to keep me moving around. And I thought I was doing fine because I wasn`t crawling around drunk on the floor.

–Dennis Hopper
[Quote from 2001]

Have you ever been so drunk you wet the bed? Not even sleeping, just standing over, pissing on it?

–Zach Galifianakis

It only takes one drink to get me drunk– I can just never remember if its the eighth or ninth.

–George Burns

“By the way you guys, can I just say as a side note, I am loving this can-wine thing, I think it’s brilliant. I mean I’m active, I’m gesturing with my hands, and I don’t feel restricted. If I was holding a wine glass right now I’d be spilling wine all over the god damn place”

–Dennis (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

“I should never have switched from scotch to martinis.”

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

–Henny Youngman

Here’s to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!

–Author Unknown

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

– Abraham Lincoln

“Drink is the greatest wrecker of men since women was invented.”

– Jimmy Durante, in On An Island With You