11:35 AM – Why E3 Lazlo? Well I am a bit of a gamer (I like to smoke pot and play madden) and I work for a company that turns comic books into movies (I get to beat up nerds and take their lunch money) so I got sent here to scout the booth chicks… uh I mean projects.
Let the gaymes begin…
11:41 AM – Security just confiscated a book. Only here and at the CrackHouse can you get made fun of for reading.
11:47 AM – People are lined up to get their picture taken with a Playstation 3.
11:52 AM – And you will know my name is the lord….I found the 97 Madden. High def yo. [Ed.Note: I'm sure he meant 2007, but hey 97 MADDEN wasn't too bad and it wouldn't surprise me if Laz found the only retro Sega Genesis booth or something.]
12:08 PM – Well I just played MADDEN and broke up with my girlfriend. I have a new love. First play was a 30 TD from Roethlisberger to Heath Miller. Rex would be proud. Seriously, I want this game and a pound of coke delivered to my house STAT.
Archive for Drunken Diaries
Lazlo’s E3 Liveblog
Drafts On Drafts Day II: The Liveblog
12:30am – So here is the deal, over the course of the first day of the draft (starting at midnight New York Time) I Lazlo, along with some much needed help from Lou, Rex, S.O Mac and maybe if Bill puts his fucking shirt on and gets the fuck out of the garage, will drink an entire 15 Gallon Keg of Coors Light. Why? Well for starters, we are drunks. It is who we are and what we do. This is our chosen lifestyle and we intend to push it to the limits of the Universe. Or at least to the limits of the 90016 Zip Code. Second of all, I love the draft. It is the pinnacle of drunken know-it-all fan days. We planned and schemed for exactly how to handle the task at hand but considering the Reggie Bush fiasco, I may just toss the game plan out the window and go commando. At current time both Lou and are on our first beer and we are watching ESPN and the NFL Network with the kind of anticipation that is usually reserved for Tara Reid’s trip to the VD clinic.
Like a wise man once said, CRANK IT UP FUCKERS
Lazlo The Jet Set Drunk Rides His Trusty Clydesdale Back In Search Of The Great American Geek: Chi Town Edition: UPDATED SATURDAY 12:47 PM
[Ed.Note: Not that it really matters, but either Lazlo has stepped into another plane of existence, (which is entirely possible), or the times on all these posts are screwed up in his Blackberry. Not that it really matters, but according to this, he was at a bar at 5AM and his latest post is at 9PM tonight and I'm writing this at 3PM Illinois time, so take it for what it is... Drunk Standard Time]
Aug 4, 2005 1:55 PM – So, my last adventure must have struck a cord with somebody in my front office because they decided to unleash old Lazlo at another convention. This time they have sent me to my kind of town. That’s right, the one and only Chicago. So what better way to remind myself of all of the trouble I get into in my hometown, then to liveblog it so that all three of our loyally Sorry Drunk readers can join in the fun. Off I go to LAX, with hopefully enough time to get hammered before my flight.
2:36 PM – Two shots of Jack and a Budweieser chaser at Generic LAX Bar #895 and I am forced to run to my flight. I’m flying Southwest so I can not wait to dig into my spam casserole dinner with Old English wash down. Bring on the tube tops and aqua net, Lazlo is in the house.
9:41 PM – Just saw a couple of signs for Southwest’s new slogans… Southwest: We are the New Jersey of airlines… Southwest: If your gums don’t bleed, you are on the wrong line… Southwest: No shoes, No shirt, No problem… Southwest: Welcome back Lazlo, you’re usual table?
10:22 PM – 150 trailer trash fucks and 3 pieces of checked luggage. Somebody just jammed a Datsun RX in the overheard bin. God bless dirt poor America.
Aug 5, 2005 1:30 AM – New slogan. Southwest: We suck so bad we fuck up a bloody mary. Kansas city smells like dog vagina.
In Search Of The Great American Geek: The Conclusion
[Read Part One of Laz's Drunken Diary to Comic Con Here]
I bet all of our readers (and thanks for the concern, both of you) are wondering, what in the Hell happened to Laz? Is he dead in a ditch? Did he get a quickie wedding to some PB Surfer girl? Or did he say fuck it and just head to Mexico form some real fun and games? Hmmm more on that later.
I guess the biggest thing you should know before you try and live blog three days away from home is BRING A BLACKBERRY CHARGER. So after my last post I had 2 reasons for not continuing with the play by play. My battery was running really low, and … I was with a girl. I may not know shit about women, but I had a strong feeling that taking time out to write for my website about drunken debauchery would not be great first date banter. I was about to be proven totally wrong.
In Search Of The Great American Geek – Updated: Saturday, 3:50 PM
[Editor's Note: We sent old Laz down to the San Diego Comic Con with a Blackberry, an expense account, and drinking problem just for you guys. I'm going to do my best to get his messages up in a timely fashion, but as you probably already know, I've got my own drunkeness to attend to here in LA this weekend and I may forget (read: blackout). Cheers... Lou]
Jul 14, 2005 8:08 PM – Comic Con, for those of you who don’t know, is a geek’s sticky dream that happens every summer in San Diego. 100 thousand plus show up to debate the finer points of Punisher Maxi #3 (kick ass btw) while drooling over one of the 3 girls that showed up. Now you may be wondering what the hell old Lazlo would be doing at such an unLazloesque locale… drinking of course. That and some silly bastards forgot to do a background check and hired me to be a film exec.
My goal: Stay drunk and suck in all that SD has to offer on the company dime. And keep a running drunken diary (with a little help from Lou at the Crackhouse) of the whole schibang keeping you informed on every beer I toss back and every geek I just plain old toss. Currently I am on the 5 in bad need of booze.
8:18 PM – Somewhere outside of San Clemente. I see a Budweiser truck. I am pulling over to grab a beer.
8:29 PM – Cracked open a 40 oz of Bud and I am smoking a cig. God bless 7-11.
8:53 PM – The 40 worked.
Drafts On Draft Day AKA Lazlo Tries To Kill A Keg While Watching The NFL Draft
Hey, all you Sorry Drunks out there. Lazlo, barely here.
I guess the first question is why. The NFL draft takes place every Spring about 3 months after football season stopped giving me reasons to drink at 9AM every weekend (who says people in LA are flaky). The draft is perfect for us sports fans who like to talk bullshit because it is all speculative, and we all know how well speculation and drunks go together. So I will honor the Football Gods and Booze Gods – I will try and kill a pony keg of beer (5gallons) while watching the first 4 rounds of the draft. What can I say? I love DRAFTS (get it) of all kinds.
The 3 Rules are simple:
1. We must watch the entire Draft.
2. We must finish all the beer.
3. I must not call my ex girlfriend and ask her to get back together.
