Buyer's Guides
SorryIGotDrunk Buyer’s Guide: Daiquiri Whacker Gas Powered Blender
Jul 27th 2005
Can’t find an outlet to plug in that pesky blender when you’re camping or tailgating? Trying to find some new ways to make your guy friends jealous and your girl friends a little more afraid and possibly disgusted? Well, your prayers have been answered by the Daiquiri Whacker Gas Powered Blender. Seriously, you can just toss a bunch of booze into this thing, pull the ripcord and actually rev the fucker like a motorcycle. All it needs is a flat screen and an ashtray and I’m convinced Laz would quit his job. God bless whoever thought of this.
SorryIGotDrunk Buyer’s Guide: Dead Rodent Decanter Edition
Jun 16th 2005
Seriously, forget the Beamer or the Roofies, nothing makes a girl’s legs fall open faster than whipping out your dead stuffed cute little fluffy squirrel at the bar, ripping its cute little fuzzy head off and sucking down some dark brown grain alcohol out of its stiff, lifeless body.
So, with that, I offer you The Squirrel Liquor Decanter brought to you by Custom Creature Taxidermy Arts. And if you’re in the mood to be a little grossed out and most likely disturbed, check out the other wonderful dead animal gifts they offer, like the Cat Mummy or the Bisected Bull Testicle. Fun for the whole family.
SorryIGotDrunk Buyer’s Guide: Gray Kangaroo Personal Liquor Filter
Jun 8th 2005
Being that we’re big fans of drinking cheap booze here.. Usually using whatever change we can scrape out of the couch to buy the stuff with, we love the idea of anything that makes that shit taste any better.
So, here we give you the Gray Kangaroo Personal Liquor Filter. Apparently this bad boy filters your cheap convenient store hooch into something more palatable. They also claim that it reduces the effects of hangovers, but when you’re drink as much as Laz and I do, it doesn’t matter whether its Osco Brand Vodka or Skyy – You’re gonna feel it in the morning. And probably the next morning, too.
Just imagine what you could do with this thing and The Shooter Buddy. Shit, you could probably drink rubbing alcohol. Not that you don’t already, but you know, it would taste better.
Creepy images of the actual Gray Kangaroo in the wild after the jump…
SorryIGotDrunk Buyer’s Guide: The Shooter Buddy
May 20th 2005
Usually the amount of time my whiskey is aged depends solely on how long it took the delivery truck to get it from the factory in Hoboken to the SavOn Drugs or Albertson’s. There’s really nothing like drinking grain alcohol so special that you can actually feel it burning the lining of your stomach.
But some people like to drink “quality” liquor that has sat around in some barrel for a bunch of years or some shit. I say, if it doesn’t come in a plastic bottle, it doesn’t come in my mouth. Wait, I meant go in my mouth. Forget it.
Well, now there’s something for everybody. Through the mystical powers of magnets and particles and other sciencey type stuff, The Shooter Buddy instantly ages booze the equivalent of ten years. So now I can still get my economy jug of Evan Williams or Charles Shaw and make it taste like Jack Daniel’s and Chateau Lafite. Personally, I’m going to wait until they have one big enough to fit a box of wine. (Thanks, Laz)
SorryIGotDrunk Buyer’s Guide: E3 Edition
May 19th 2005
Well, move over Fido.. Man’s Best Friend is on his way. Unveiled at E3 this week is the new Robosapien V3. Who gives a shit about some stupid toy robot, you ask? Well check this out..
“…now he can lie down and get back up onto his feet, distinguish between different colours and sounds, grip and pick up an object as heavy as a beer can, and throw lighter objects around ten feet.”
A voice operated robot that can pick up beer cans and throw stuff ten feet? Where do I sign? And, shit, my ex-girlfriend couldn’t even distinguish between different colours and sounds. But then again, she didn’t even know Delaware was a state. Sigh. She was pretty though. Pretty n’ dumb.
Read the rest of the article here.
SorryIGotDrunk Buyer’s Guide Vol. 1
May 11th 2005
As drunk as we’ve been lately, Laz & I have been doing pretty good at posting something almost every day now, and all day today, everytime I see that it’s apparently still Tuesday in SorryDrunkLand, I get a little pissed at my laziness.
So, in the spirit of virtually useless posts, I give you a couple alcohol-related gadgets I’ve come across at Gizmodo over the past couple of weeks.
The first is the Bottle Opener Sandals I spoke of in my very First Drunk Story way back in March. (Remember how much simpler life was back then? Sigh). You can find them over at Reef. Just in time for Summer. They’re called “The Fanning”. I can only assume they’re named after Dakota, being the raging alcoholic beach-goer she is.
Secondly, is one of the coolest little doodads I’ve yearned for in some time. It’s the Ring Thing Bottle Opener. This is the greatest thing to come along for my middle finger since The Shocker.
I guess this post wasn’t completely useless.. These are some good Tools Of The Trade.. Lou