By: Sweepea
I love men. I love your one-track minds, how you yearn for the power of the remote, and how you talk about sports like we discuss “Desperate Housewives.” But the one thing I will never understand is how you guys worship James Bond.
It’s the beginning of another class when Betty announces, “James Bond is a pussy.” There is a collective gasp that fills the room.
I, of course, don’t really have an opinion on Mr. Double-Oh-Seven. Not like I hate the guy, I just don’t have much information to go on. The only James Bond imagery I’ve seen is when it’s spoofed in an Austin Powers movie.
But the men in my class go ballistic. There are hurt expressions and many protests…one dude puts his hand to his heart as if he’s experiencing chest-pains. “What??” one guy finally whispers.
“James Bond is a pussy,” Betty repeats. She looks around the room, knowing the blasphemy she’s committed. And then she tells us why.
Archive for
Bartending 101: First Day of School
[Ed.Note: Alright class, everybody sit down. Lazlo! Get the Elmer's Glue out of your mouth! I would like everyone to welcome our first female contributor, Sweepea, to the fold with her first in a hopefully ongoing series about bartending school. Enjoy.]
Because my boss has yet to realize my true financial potential, and I got screwed over by my last roommate moving out on a whim, I need to make some extra cash – and fast. After evaluating my limited talents (my proficiency in flirting and the ampleness of my chest), I decide the solution is obvious: Bartending!
I show up to my first class having no clue whatsoever of what’s in store for me. But the minute I see the classroom I feel right at home. The room is an L-shaped bar with stools. It’s the best classroom I’ve ever been into. I wish college classes were like this. We’d all hunker up to the bar, order a round of Jack and Cokes, and talk about Milton’s Paradise Lost. I’d have never ditched class. Hell, I’d be the first one there everyday.
