By: Sweepea

We at the Booze Quest Labs have been taking the past couple months researching the best Bloody Mary. It’s been quite painstaking and extensive, but I think I’ve found the perfect mixture of tomato juice, spices, garnishes, and any other item that can make an outstanding cocktail. Here are my findings:
Jerry’s Deli, Studio City, CA:
Glass: daiquiri glass
Consistency:watery
Strength: weak. Probably less than 1 shot of vodka
Garnish: lemon wedge
Analysis: Seeing the paleness of the cocktail got my hopes up that it would be a stronger drink, but it was just water that made the Bloody Mary at Jerry’s so washed-out. I barely tasted any kick or spices, so it tasted essentially like a watery tomato juice. Even after adding Tabasco sauce, it still was not tasty enough.
Final score: 3/10
Wood Ranch Restaurant, The Grove, CA:
Glass: pint glass, salt-rimmed
Consistency:thick, with a viscosity level of approximately 3 outta 5.
Strength: strong. Probably about 1 1/2 shots of vodka
Garnish: lemon and celery stalk
Analysis: Nothing surprising here. This is your standard, run-of-the-mill Bloody Mary that you learn in bartending school. Nothing inventive or new, but the taste was good enough to kick it over an average rating.
Final score: 6/10

The Lobster, Santa Monica Pier, CA:
Glass: highball glass
Consistency:thick, with a viscosity level of approximately 4 outta 5
Strength: strong. Probably about 2 shots of vodka
Garnish: celery stalk, lemon wedge, jumbo-sized shrimp
Analysis: The spices were well-toned and the vodka was evenly distributed. The garnish of a jumbo-sized shrimp made this taste like a shrimp cocktail with vodka. Which, in my book, is absolutely delicious.
Final score: 9.5/10
Cheesecake Factory, Brentwood, CA:
Glass: pint glass, salt-rimmed
Consistency: thick, with a viscosity level of approximately 4 outta 5
Strength: strong. Probably about 2 1/2 shots of vodka (only after I flirted with the bartender for 15 minutes.)
Garnish: 2 huge pimento-stuffed olives, celery stalk
Analysis: So close… However, there wasn’t any good kick in the mixture. I spotted that another of their cocktails on the menu came with bleu cheese-stuffed olives, so I thought I’d try an additional Bloody Mary with this garnish. This proved to be a drastic improvement.
Final score: 9/10
Sweepea’s Lounge, Los Angeles, CA:
Glass: chilled pint glass
Consistency:thick, with a viscosity level of approximately 4 outta 5
Strength: strong. I filled it to about 2 1/2 inches, with ice.
Garnish: 3 bleu cheese-stuffed olives, celery stalk
Analysis: Using Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary mix (that you can get on any grocery store in the liquor aisle), the additional tang of the bleu cheese in the olives adds a superb taste to the mixture that can simply be stated in one word: perfection.
Final score: 10/10
Final Results: My version of the Bloody Mary was compiled by taking the above analysis and experimenting with various mixtures in numerous stages until I reached the highest exactness. Most noteworthy about the Mr. & Mrs. T’s mix is that it also comes in a bold variety. Therefore I have proven that the “Little Red Hen” philosophy is correct: If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.