Sup cats and kittens, Lazlo here back on the scene.
Lazlo love booze. Lazlo love sports. But nothing does Lazlo love more (besides referring to himself in the iconoclast third person) than boozed up athletes. There is something about seeing someone waste one’s god-given gifts on the juices of rotting plants that gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over my cheeks.
DATELINE – CHICO STATE: The women’s softball team got a 17-year-old recruit so fucked up she had to go to the emergency room. My first thought was, “It sure is nice of them to prepare her for all aspects of college.” Think of how much more prepared mentally she will be, the first time she wakes up in the basement of a Frat House with anal leakage and a puss discharge. Little Known Chico State Fact – Chico is the area where Lazlo gets his weed, so if you where wondering why I am being so nice to these bull dike bitches who where probably trying to rape this fresh faced buttercup… well, I am high.

- Like we need another reason to hate Texas: Being arrested for being drunk IN A BAR.
- Drunk Swedish women get turned down more than men. My guess is it’s payback for Swedish women turning down drunk Swedish men, and me.
- In Chicago: Can’t a grandma get her swerve on without having to worry about some stupid three year old running around? What is this, Texas?
- Don’t the Australian cops know sometimes you need directions when you’re drunk driving. Shit gets blurry. Or so I’ve heard.
- From the Duh Files: Sacramento State students drunk dial. Shit, without drunk dialing, I’d be single forever. Wait. I’m single right now. Damn. Now I’m depressed. Where’s my office bottle?
- I’ve had delusions of Shania Twain doing things to/for me, but it’s never been driving for me when I was drunk.. And a judge has never believed me and let me out of the DUI. Fuckin’ Canadians.

Just when I thought the bathroom at our Crack House was getting a bit messy, Whitney shows up and shows me how World Class Grammy Award Winning crackheads do it for real. With spoons, screwdrivers, mirrors, Newports, and of course Budweiser.