I feel bad about not mentioning Laz’s birthday yesterday. And by “feel bad” I mean I have a pretty nice hangover from the ridiculousness of last night. The night began at the Rainbow Bar & Grill, which if your not familiar, is a great Italian restaurant on Sunset that used to be the home for post parties from Led Zeppelin to Motley Crue because it’s right next to The Roxy and The Whisky A Go Go. It’s run by these wonderful two goombas from Chicago, Mike and Tony and I consider it a second home. It’s a must visit if your ever out in L.A. So, where was I? Oh yeah, about 8 or so of us guys are there eating, drinking and just basically being loud obnoxious fools. I decided that I would try to have a rainbow of drinks in honor of our choice of establishment. My drinks there went as follows:
Jack and Coke – Whiskey
Long Island Iced Tea – Vodka, Tequila, Rum, Gin, Triple Sec
White Russian – Vodka
Margarita – Tequila
There were these two beer girls walking around promoting some pilsner that’s name now escapes me. What does not however escape me is the name of one of the girls, Lisa, a cute little Asian girl that upon further inspection revealed that she used to be a dancer. (A strange coincidence of what would later come of this evening). I did my best, but to no avail, to get her to join the group once her job was complete. Oh well, I hate pilsner anyhow.

At this point, we’re winding down.. We get the girls at the bar to sing Happy Birthday to Laz, only using his middle name, which he LOVES, (that’s sarcasm), but hey, if you can’t shit on your friends on their birthday, when can you? Laz had had about 6 double Jack and Cokes and was fading fast, so we all decide to take off.
So, Laz decides to put the entire tab on his expense account. Remember, he’s a hot shot film exec and can get hookers and blow with just a click and a scroll on his Blackberry. A Hollywood legend in the making.. And I plan to write the tell all book when it’s all over.
Lou’s final tab at Rainbow: $0.00
On the way back to the car, a street merchant gives Beauxman, my roommate, and I some flyers to The Body Shop. We jokingly say we should just go there. It was only 10:30 or so and we were just about drunk enough to make it a good time. So, in the fatal words of Tom Cruise, (before he went psychotic on us), from Risky Business, “Sometimes you just have to say, What the Fuck.”

We get to The Body Shop, use our free passes, pay $10 for the Two “Drink” Minimun. There’s no alcohol because it’s fully nude. BUT, as we soon find out, they do have an open door, in and out policy. So, we take a quick tour of the place which at this time of the evening on a Monday is pretty empty. Basically just a bunch of girl who are just getting to work. So, off to the closest bar…
That turns out to be The Trocadero. Never been there. Nice little joint. Quickly ordered up a Tanqueray Rocks… Beauxman, a Jack Daniels Rocks. Things were about to get serious after all. We drink those down and call Rex at work and try and convince him to just leave work and come down to the club. He says he can’t and then thanks me for completely ruining his night. MFer needs to get a day job, yo. Just sayin’.
So, we continue to ogle at the lovely ladies roaming around, mainly this hot little number in a red and black bustier who looks as if she may have had one too many E pills. Just my type of girl. At one point, I see her looking at me, trying to say something to me from across the room, so being the sexual predator I am, I pounce on the couch right next to her. Her name is Ester. She’s obviously out of it, but a nice girl. I ask if the guy who was sitting next to her earlier was her boyfriend. Alas, it twas not. Conversation continues… Then the big surprise comes. She gets up to leave and says,
“I work over at The Body Shop. You should come by and see me sometime. My name there is Monique.”
“Well, actually I’m headed over there right after I finish my drink,” I retort, trying to remember her name which in the matter of two seconds has already flown through my head and dropped firmly to the bar floor.
So, back to the bar.. Slam the TanqRox and order up us two shots of Beam for the road. Down those bastards like we’ve just been poisoned and they’re the antidote and we’re off.
Lou’s final tab at Trocadero: $25.00
On to The Body Shot… Things get blurry once you step into a place like this. I remember a Honduras girl who I had no interest in and when I came back from the bathroom I saw her dragging Beauxman into the back room. Different strokes, I guess… There was a girl named Jenny who offered to “Break the rules and do things I’ll never forget,” (still kicking myself for not taking her up on that offer), and then there was Jasmine. Well, let’s just say that Jasmine can now pay for a large portion of her rent money this month for the hour or so we spent together “talking.”

After being followed to the ATM, again, to pay the nice lady her wage, I’m offered a smoke from one of the bouncers and I quickly accept and go hit the curb to smoke. The outside curb at a strip club is the equivalent of the keno room in Vegas.. It’s where you go when you know you’re just about done losing all your money and getting nothing in return. Beauxman comes out and joins me, and we actual consider going back in, taking out more money and going for one more round. Nudity is a powerful drug, man. But we realize it’s now 1am on a Monday and maybe it’s not a good idea to go blow the rest of our rent on strippers. At least not tonight.
Lou’s Final tab at The Body Shop: $252.00
All in all, I gotta say it was an above average Monday night. Beats sitting home watching 24 any day. Actually, cutting your toenails beats watching 24, but that’s a whole different article.
Happy Birthday Laz. Sorry you couldn’t make it.. Let’s just say we did it in your honor. We were thinking of you the whole time. Well, not the whole time. Sometimes there were naked ladies in front of us, but the rest of time, totally you.
Mahalo,
Lou