[Submitted by Captain Kitchen]
10. As sweet as you think girls are going to think you are, you’re missing some serious “quality” time with your friends Jack, Jose, Jim and one of the new kids at school, Seagram.
9. The bouncers get all aggressive with you like you just punched some dude in the face. Whoa whoa whoa tough guy, I’m just tryin’ to help. Why you have to come at me like a fat lady at a cookout? Chill.
8. You think you’re just gonna help get her outside, but then you find yourself standing alone in the middle of the dance floor while you’re friend the “vomit projectile machine” springs in to action.
7. Drunk girls like to puke on the way over to your car.
6. Drunk girls like to puke all in your car.
5. Drunk girls like to puke while getting out of your car.
4. Drunk girls like to puke all over YOU!

3. As great as things are going with drunk girl’s hot friend and as sure as you are that ass will be yours if you step up to the plate to help out her friend, she won’t want anything to do with you when you have puke on your arms, shirt, pants, shoes and car. Which makes the whole night’s a big uneventful jerk off. I could’ve stayed home for that.
2. You’ll be so busy carrying said friend out the front doors that the gift bag people completely ignore you. WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS DAMN IT?! I might’ve wanted/needed some facial moisturizing cream and stick of beef jerky… you just never know.
And the number 1 reason why it’s never a good idea to volunteer to help take care of the “drunk girl” at the club is…
You can’t hook up with the “drunk girl” unless you’re both so drunk, you don’t even realize that the other is probably passed out already, which means you probably won’t remember hooking up with her in the first place, which means even though you may have had some sex, you might not have, and you’ll have no idea either way cause you were too damn hammered to remember in the first place, and that just plain old sucks.