- “Ladies and Gentleman, last year’s winner of The Kentucky Derby, Funny Cide!”
- “Hilary, what are your thoughts on the new Supreme Court nominee, John Roberts Jr.?
- “I knew having Lazlo as my personal trainer was a bad call.”
- Somewhere a Lohan is smiling… because she just did a pound of coke.
- Another satisfied customer leaves the Busey Orthodontic Institute.
- “She went to bed a mild mannered teen pop princess and woke up a tired old hag. Coming this award season from Disney, Hilary Duff in HOLY SHIT I AM TURNING INTO HEATHER LOCKLEAR”
- This is why Lou turns girls out to pasture when they turn 18.. I’m sorry, but it’s all downhill ladies.
- From Jason: “Bitch spelled my name wrong ese…hey Hillary, what makes you think I won’t cut you?”