Sup Kids, Lazlo here. I used to have a coach that would tell me, “Better late then never HA, better never late.” To which I would reply, “Shut up you sick fuck you are lucky I am here at all, I should be plowing your daughter in the keester.” And it is in that spirit that I bring you the Monday version of the old movie thingy. We gave ye ole Spotdog the week off cause it turns out he has to do this thing called work (never heard of it personally) so you lucky little bastards get you a extra steaming pile of Lazlo bile for your movie PreView Review post ad hoc blah blah something or other. So let’s get in the shit wit it.
THE DEVILS REJECTS – With all of the smarty artsy fartsy horror pictures like THE RING and THE GRUDGE it is kind of refreshing that Rob Zombie is taking the genre back to its roots. Poppy dialogue and crappy special effects with the pinch of hot chick for flavor. I would talk more about this movie but coming up with euphemisms shit is making me have to take a dump.

4 drinks and a vat of pig’s blood
BAD NEWS BEARS – I know everyone is saying that this film is dirty and filthy but as the king of all things filthy and Derrty, I just aint buying it. Unless Billy Bob is doing blow of the little pitcher girls asshole between innings then they aint getting my 10 bucks.

10 drinks and a line of coke off of a 13 year old girl’s asshole
HUSTLE AND FLOW – Terrence Howard is a Jehovah Witness who plays a pimp. Are you fucking kidding me? Wasn’t Bishop Magic Don Juan available? You got someone who does not drink or smoke and goes door to door trying to get me to take a copy of the fucking WATCHTOWER playing a rapping pimp. What is next? Tom Cruise plays a sane person (oh snap), Lou starts dating mature girls with healthy self esteem (oh double snap), Lazlo joins a gym and gives up the rock and roll lifestyle for that of an athletic monk? I do know one thing, Lazlo will not be getting crunk with Terrence Howard anytime soon.

3 Drinks, a 40oz and some siz-erp
THE ISLAND – Mike Bay directs Scarlet Johansson (and some other guy who kind of looks like a chick) in a tight body suite while things blow up around them. Yes please.

5 drinks, some astroglide, and a tube sock.
As the rabbit says, that is all folks. I hope you all enjoyed your weekends, and spotdog will be back on with the pre-re-views next week where I’m sure that he will be on the days the movies actually come out because he is a punk like that.