Today my childhood hero goes into the hall of fame. Cooperstown. For a boy from Seattle to a minor leaguer to one of the best to ever play the game. I moved to Chicago in 84 when Ryno came into his own and won the MVP leading his team to the playoffs for the first time in about 30 years. The words class and pro do not quite do justice to the man that for 10 years straight not only was an All Star but was a cub. He went to the park every day and played his ass off no matter if they were in first (couple of times) or last (most of the time). Most importantly, he gave a young Lazlo something to believe in. He looked like you, me.. Hell, he looked like my dad. But most importantly he acted like a mother fucking man and a half.
Ryno this is the best compliment I can give… this beer is for you… you deserve it. CONGRATS
This is Lazlo saying, may our heroes ever stay golden, pony boy.
Archive for July 2005
Ryno Is Real
Just Go See THE ARISTOCRATS For Christ’s Sake
Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s hungover, lazy, yet succinct PreView Reviews…
Stealth – Jamie Foxx battles with an out of control, crazed robot bent on world domination. Didn’t he already do that in Collateral? Get it? It’s a Cruise burn. How timely! Snap!
9 Drinks to Enjoy
Sky High – Yes, I am, but not enough to see this crap.
8 Drinks to Enjoy
Must Love Dogs – Also Must Love Shitty Movies.
9 Drinks to Enjoy
Margaret Watch 2005: Chasing Lohan
[Pic snagged from Junk Feud. Keep up the good work, LA. We'll find this guy.]
[Wanted poster from Glass Giant.]
Everybody’s Favorite Ese: Margaret?
Remember our favorite Duff Accoster that we captioned the other day? Well, that beautiful blogger, LA, over at Junk Feud has spotted him in a few more photos stalking a few more celebs… And she has named him Margaret. Wonderful. Although he doesn’t appear to be threatening Sofia Vergara or Michelle Trachtenberg, (he’s in the reflection in the window), just know that we are now on the case, too. I’m gonna find this guy and get him drunk. If we’re lucky, he might go after Seacrest or somethin’. [You can click on the thumbs for a better view]
TomTom
SorryIGotDrunk Buyer’s Guide: Daiquiri Whacker Gas Powered Blender
Can’t find an outlet to plug in that pesky blender when you’re camping or tailgating? Trying to find some new ways to make your guy friends jealous and your girl friends a little more afraid and possibly disgusted? Well, your prayers have been answered by the Daiquiri Whacker Gas Powered Blender. Seriously, you can just toss a bunch of booze into this thing, pull the ripcord and actually rev the fucker like a motorcycle. All it needs is a flat screen and an ashtray and I’m convinced Laz would quit his job. God bless whoever thought of this.
Caption This, You Sorry Drunks!
- That is the last time I make out with Boy George.
- Bruce Wayne vs. Goldfinger: The Aftermath
- I would like to thank the Academy.
- Chuck Smelton: Head coach of the little known ABA team, the Golden Face Warriors.
- Solid Gold Disco Fever, All right.
- Partick may have gone the wrong direction for his big “Huff” audition.
- Ah I see, take a load from you in the face and I will win an Oscar, not the other way around.
- Lou: Daddy?
- Let’s just say I know how Goldie Hawn got her name.
- I am trying out for the WWE with the name Golddouche, what do you think?
- Yeah I huff paint, but it’s gold paint. What do you think I am some sort of loser?
- “Why are you looking at me like I have gold, sparkly paint on my face?”
Posted by: B-Side
- “Look man , Nick told me it was GHB.”
Posted by: rex box
- Goldmembers moneyshot
Posted by: Snuggles
[Photo snagged from TheSmokingGun, obviously.]
Lazlo’s Top Ten Things To Say To A Dumb Ass Co-Worker
Co-Workers – Can’t live with them, can’t drink them. We all work with/for stupid pieces of shit that suck major taint to Hell I work with more then a few, and to them I am probably a stupid piece of shit that sucks major taint (mmmmm taint). So the next time you are chatting up the little cutie from accounting whom you hope to score a night of drunken sex that she will regret for a long time, and some douche bag with no sense of smell comes by and tries to ask you about an email he sent you and if you have had the time to address it, say one of the following and let the good times roll.
10. How about never? Is never good for you?
9. You know I drive by your place on my way home, and in completely unrelated news I carry a gun.
8. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
7. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn.
6. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
A Clone, A Drunk, A Pimp & The Devil AKA Just Another Weekend For Lazlo
Sup Kids, Lazlo here. I used to have a coach that would tell me, “Better late then never HA, better never late.” To which I would reply, “Shut up you sick fuck you are lucky I am here at all, I should be plowing your daughter in the keester.” And it is in that spirit that I bring you the Monday version of the old movie thingy. We gave ye ole Spotdog the week off cause it turns out he has to do this thing called work (never heard of it personally) so you lucky little bastards get you a extra steaming pile of Lazlo bile for your movie PreView Review post ad hoc blah blah something or other. So let’s get in the shit wit it.
THE DEVILS REJECTS – With all of the smarty artsy fartsy horror pictures like THE RING and THE GRUDGE it is kind of refreshing that Rob Zombie is taking the genre back to its roots. Poppy dialogue and crappy special effects with the pinch of hot chick for flavor. I would talk more about this movie but coming up with euphemisms shit is making me have to take a dump.
4 drinks and a vat of pig’s blood
BAD NEWS BEARS – I know everyone is saying that this film is dirty and filthy but as the king of all things filthy and Derrty, I just aint buying it. Unless Billy Bob is doing blow of the little pitcher girls asshole between innings then they aint getting my 10 bucks.
10 drinks and a line of coke off of a 13 year old girl’s asshole
HUSTLE AND FLOW – Terrence Howard is a Jehovah Witness who plays a pimp. Are you fucking kidding me? Wasn’t Bishop Magic Don Juan available? You got someone who does not drink or smoke and goes door to door trying to get me to take a copy of the fucking WATCHTOWER playing a rapping pimp. What is next? Tom Cruise plays a sane person (oh snap), Lou starts dating mature girls with healthy self esteem (oh double snap), Lazlo joins a gym and gives up the rock and roll lifestyle for that of an athletic monk? I do know one thing, Lazlo will not be getting crunk with Terrence Howard anytime soon.
3 Drinks, a 40oz and some siz-erp
THE ISLAND – Mike Bay directs Scarlet Johansson (and some other guy who kind of looks like a chick) in a tight body suite while things blow up around them. Yes please.
5 drinks, some astroglide, and a tube sock.
As the rabbit says, that is all folks. I hope you all enjoyed your weekends, and spotdog will be back on with the pre-re-views next week where I’m sure that he will be on the days the movies actually come out because he is a punk like that.
Caption This, You Sorry Drunks!
- The Al Bundy of the Cat World.
- This is exactly why I don’t drink Bud Light. First frogs and now this. What’s next? A cute little bunny?
- “Does this fur make me look fat?”
- “Hey, I was thinking about doing that South Beach Diet thing.”
- “I can’t believe the Tivo cut off the end of the Tiger’s game!”
- Everything Lou looks for in a woman: Fat. Drunk. Bored. Hairy. Pussy. On Her Back.
- From S.O. Mac: “Hey get me another beer, and find my goddamn pants!”
From B-Side:
- “My therapists says we need to see other people.”
- “Fancy Feast on this, motherfucker.”
