Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
Bewitched – Okay. Let me try to get this straight. It’s a remake of a tv show, but the actual movie is about some assholes trying to remake the tv show. Deep. And let’s just say that if you didn’t feel bad for Nicole Kidman back after the divorce, now you have to. Xenu only knows what kind of hell (do those freaks believe in hell?) she had to deal with back before we all found out that ole Thomas Mapother IV (real name) was a raving brainwashed lunatic pedophile. I’m not one to judge, but really, brainwashed? Shit. I’ve gotten off topic again. I would love to be able to say that because Will Farrell is in this one that it will be tolerable, but I think it’s plainly obvious that this is going to make you wish also you had a broomstick, so you could jam it up your or your nearest neighbor’s ass.

8 Drinks to Enjoy
George Romero’s Land of the Dead – So, after 28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead, and Million Dollar Baby, everyone’s jumping on the Zombie Bandwagon and trying to squeeze some coin out of this “dead” franchise. I’m not sure who this Romero dude is, but the real Zombie movies went out of style in the 70s and no one will ever be able to top the guy who made those originals. I can’t remember his name right now, but I can guarantee that if he were around today to see your crappy ass remake or whatever it is, he’d agree with me.

4 Drinks to Enjoy
Herbie: Fully Loaded – This should have been the review I’d been waiting my whole year to write, right? Well, it would have been at one point. But now both the reasons I used to be excited about are shriveled down and hanging off some bleached blond human hat rack. Sure, she’s still an 18 year old drunk, drug addled nymphomaniac, and yes, that’s usually what I look for in a girl, but there’s just something missing now. Now, she’s just become no better than most of the coked out gutter sluts I usually take home and that just isn’t right. So, what about Herbie? Did you really think I was going to waste this opportunity and write about Herbie? Please.

2 Lines, 1 Cigarette (picked up off ground), & 2 Virgin Bloody Mary’s (Hold the Virgin) To Enjoy