Ah, San Diego, she is a powerful mistress. Living in LA is great, but seeing as I do not drive a Porsche, (more like Prelude), or look like Fabio, (more like Kevin James), women are very tricky to get in this town. Seeing as I have to rely on things other than my Hills pad and a mountain of coke, (1 out of 2 is not bad), I am forced to rely on charm. Sometimes I just do not have the energy to deal with all of the bullshit that comes with trying to date in LA. So that is when I take a trip to our bitchin’ little cousin city to the south, San Diego. San Diego is like the really hot friend of a supermodel who doesn’t get what the big deal is about her friend. And get this; you can talk to girls there without feeling like you should apologize for wasting their time when you are done. Plus most of them are really good looking. I keep thinking back to Eli Manning getting picked by the Chargers in the 2004 draft and then refusing to go there. If I am a 22 year old guy and you want to PAY me millions of dollars to go to some place with hot, cool chicks and great weather year round, I would bypass the post draft interviews quicker then Ricky Williams trying to find a lighter at a reggae festival and head straight for PB Beach Bar and start picking up chicks in bikini tops and sandals.
Anyway, the bar in question this night is a nice little booze puddle that goes by the moniker of Maloney’s. For the record, I think that every college town in America is required to have a bar named Maloney’s. I think the state cuts the Pell Grant funding or something if they don’t have one. Anyway, you go down a set of stairs into a dark and sweaty pit of a bar that just seems to scream ROOFIE ME. The downstairs is packed and kind of sucks when I finally realize there is an upstairs. Towards the back we go up a flight of stairs to a dance floor that is not packed, and with air that actually has oxygen in it. And surprise surprise, more hot chicks. This place is so crazy that my boy Shaggy is dancing with one of the hottest girls I have every scene in person. This doofus could not get ass in Hollywierd if he had a development deal hanging from his neck. I settle in talking to this little hottie named Hailey who tells me within 5 minutes of meeting me that she wants to make out with me. I oblige and I am on her faster then a rich playboy on an unconscious starlet.
All and all, I really enjoyed the Maloney’s San Diego experience. Drinks were stiff and not that expensive. Most of my boys that came down with me from LA got closer to getting ass then they usually do in LA. If I have one complaint, it would just be that nothing about this bar tried to set itself apart from the countless other college type bars that I have been in.
Overall rank: 8, with a little help from Hailey and her Girls.
This is Lazlo saying, HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST OF HIS LIVER INTACT… LOSES
Consumer Advocate: Bar Steals money from Drunk Patrons!!
One bad apple can spoil the bunch! Last weekend (9/8/2007) a few friends and I celebrated a birthday party at Maloney?s ? a place we frequented often. Earlier in the night my friend purchased a Midori Margarita for $12 (which sounds like a rip off already!). Then at around 1pm my friend orders the same drink for his wife at the upstairs bar and the bar back charges him $17 for the same drink! Ironically, the designated driver of the group who did not drink was kicked out of the bar because he questioned the bartender and refused to purchase the overpriced drink. After we were kicked out we talked to the supervisor on shift and he told us the bartender was right to request us to be exited from the bar and the bartender accused of stealing because we didn?t buy his costly concoction. We left angry because this individual ruined what was supposed to be a celebratory night. My friends and I will never visit that bar again and if you value your money I suggest you don?t either! I have heard of bars that take advantage of drunken patrons by ramping drink prices at the end of the night but never thought such a reputable place would participate in such unscrupulous business practices.