Archive for June, 2005
Fred Durst Link Of The Day
Jun 9th 2005
In our world, day without Fred Durst is a beautiful day used to its complete potential. But the Perennial Red-Capped Rocker™ and part-time cell phone porn star has blessed us today with his infinite wisdom.
He has found in his travels that drinking Pedialyte, the baby drink designed “for infants and children to quickly replace lost fluid,” helps him get rid of his punk ass hangovers.
He’s still a little bitch, but he may actually be on to something here. I’ll have to try some this weekend and report back to you… Lou.
Tommy Lee Link Of The Day
Jun 9th 2005
In our world, a day without Tommy Lee is a day wasted. In today’s adventure, the wanded one doesn’t let us down again, as he slides through a X-Ray machine at Heathrow Airport in London as whoever is holding the camera says, “you look a little hungover in the x-ray.” No shit. Tommy never looks not hungover. That’s why we love him.
You have to download the video and unzip it, but it’s worth it…
Click here for the radiated goodness.
Angelina, Lava Girl, & French Chicks… That’s Haute.
Jun 9th 2005
Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D – Unless you’re one of those poor bastards who passed out in their own vomit and woke up with a bunch of ankle biters, then I see no reason to bother with this crap. Yeah, I know it’s Rodriguez and he’s supposed to be God or some shit, but remember, his 8 year old kid came up with the idea for the movie, and 8 year old kids don’t know shit. Most of them can’t even make a decent martini. And don’t get me started on their constant “but the whiskey burns my throat” whining. I say skip it and get drunk in the nearest alley.
5 Drinks in the Alley to Enjoy
High Tension – It’s hard for me to a do a regular PreView Review on this one because I saw it last year when it was in French and called Haute Tension. I guess, now they’ve dubbed it in English for all the illiterate fucks who can’t be bothered to read during a movie. So, at the very least you’ll be able to mock the screen when their mouths don’t move with the words. All I really remember about the movie is that it had some pretty decent killings and the sexy little French broad was easy on the eyes. I’m pretty sure there’s a dubbing joke in there about putting something English in her French mouth, but I’m too lazy to be clever.
4 Drinks to Enjoy
Mr. & Mrs. Smith – What do you get when you put the two best looking actors in the world in a movie together? Divorce. And poor Jennifer Aniston is left to the wayside to continue her inevitable slide into Sarah Jessica Parker Face Land™. We all know that Angelina is hotter than shit and under the right circumstances, I think even I would fuck Brad Pitt, but what kind of movie can Brandgelina™ give us? Who really gives two shits? Grab a date, get liquored up, and get some, God damn it!
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3 Drinks Before the Movie + 2 During + 4 Afterward Because You’ll Feel So Ugly = 9 Drinks to Enjoy
The Honeymooners – After last week’s Sisterhood 10 Drink rating, I’m cautious to throw it out there again so nonchalantly, but seriously, The Honeymooners? Cedric The (Non)Entertainer in another It’s just like ____________ except it’s “urban” movie? Please. And when the hell did “urban” become the P.C. word for black? What about all the black people that live in the country? I, for one, can’t wait for the white remake of Boyz N Tha Hood except Sub-urban. I need a drink.
10 Drinks to Enjoy
SorryIGotDrunk Buyer’s Guide: Gray Kangaroo Personal Liquor Filter
Jun 8th 2005
Being that we’re big fans of drinking cheap booze here.. Usually using whatever change we can scrape out of the couch to buy the stuff with, we love the idea of anything that makes that shit taste any better.
So, here we give you the Gray Kangaroo Personal Liquor Filter. Apparently this bad boy filters your cheap convenient store hooch into something more palatable. They also claim that it reduces the effects of hangovers, but when you’re drink as much as Laz and I do, it doesn’t matter whether its Osco Brand Vodka or Skyy – You’re gonna feel it in the morning. And probably the next morning, too.
Just imagine what you could do with this thing and The Shooter Buddy. Shit, you could probably drink rubbing alcohol. Not that you don’t already, but you know, it would taste better.
Creepy images of the actual Gray Kangaroo in the wild after the jump…
Chalk Up Another Lost Child Actor
Jun 7th 2005
I am just shocked.. SHOCKED at the news madeyoulaugh over at TVgasm is reporting about the real reason for the new and unimproved Lindsay Skelelohan. Her alleged cocaine and diet pill addiction. Actually, I’m not surprised at all as I also know some people who had to deal with her “exhaustion” on Herbie. I, being a ridiculous drug addict myself, spotted the signs some time ago, but was holding out hoping she might find Kaballah or Scientology or something so we can once again worship to the altar that was her heavenly rack.
But now that it’s plainly obvious that she’ll be dead in a year or so, I guess I can just move on to stalking someone else. I would like to take this time to thank the Jessica’s, Alba and Simpson. You ladies really stepped up when the world needed you most.
See Miss Alba’s Fantastic Two here and a ridiculously hot picture of Miss Simpson after the jump…
Now It All Makes Sense
Jun 7th 2005
If you can’t love the one you want, (because of that whole incest thing), love the one your with.
(And make him look like the one you want).
Lazlo’s Top Ten Things That Will Get You Kicked Out Of A Ballpark
Jun 6th 2005
So the Cubs made their yearly West Cost swing last week, meaning my bank account and brain cell reserves are shot. Went to five games in seven days and decided to use what I have learned to help mankind. I can not comment on if I got removed from any stadium or stadium parking lots (court case pending) but here are a list of 10 things that will definitely get you kicked out of any ballpark worth its weight in peanut shells.
10. TAUNTING CHILDREN – Yeah, Yeah, they are cute and cuddly and shit, but if they are wearing the other colors I am on them like a gang banger at a swap meet. Nothing will alert the security to your drunken ass faster than making a few crumb crunchers bawl.
9. SEXUAL COMMENTS – It is one thing to cheer a team on, and it is another to tell the opposing players which position you had his mother in last night. One will show support to your team. They other will get you cut from the juice quicker then people hide there stash around Robert Downey Jr. For bonus points make your comment about homosexuality or bestiality.
8. PUBLIC URINATION – Whenever someone runs on to the field, how come they never take a leak? I mean with the long lines and all of the open green grass it would just seem logical that one time some drunk guy close to the action would hop the fence and start to relieve himself. The question then… would the cops let him finish or take him down?
SUBQUESTION – Would that be the mother of all times to get stage fright?