Another bloody Wednesday, another bloody link to get you through the next 5-10 minutes of your boring ass day until us drunks here can think of something funny to write about.
So, I give you “Mind Me Bloody Beer”. A flash game in which you once again try to prevent the spillage of a beer, except this time you’re not even walking down the street like the other two games, you’re just trying to keep the glass level. This is where I usually have problems in real life. I can fall on my ass and not spill a drop, but sit me down on a barstool and your shoes will be soaked in no time.
Snagged from Best Week Ever Blog.
Archive for June 2005
Don’t Spill Me Bloody Beer
Battle Of The Network Reality Drunk All Stars
Hey all, spotdog here. I’ve been meaning to get this story out for a while, but everytime I started it, I realized that I could do it no justice being that the gang from TVgasm would soon be doing their write up on the evening. So, if you’re at all into the whole Reality TV thing check it out. And if you said you’re not, you’re probably lying. You filthy lying liar. How dare you lie to me?
The basic premise to said story was a drunken evening in Hollywood in which we got to observe these so-called reality stars in their natural environment.. A hipster bar called Geisha House. Yes, one of the places owned by Fez and The Kutch. B-Side, J Unit, and IndianJones do a great job of summing up the evening. I’ve only got a couple things that were purely spot.
So, check it out their story here… and then you can come back and read my piddly additions.
Jack & Coke & A Dildo
Again cementing his Christ-like status in my world, Jack Nicholson, while shooting a sex scene for The Departed, his new film directed by newcomer Marty Scorsese, was worried that “there wasn’t enough Jack in his character” and decided to bring some his own ideas to the proverbial table. So, how do you get more “Jack” in the room? Apparently by bringing in dildos and doing some lines of coke off the ass of your co-star. And of course, “Marty said, ‘Go for it!’” Shit, he probably had a bag in his pocket. Scorsese’s done more blow than Hurricane Andrew (rimshot!). Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.
The Lazlo Ponders Life’s Most Important Questions Series Presents: Bean Town Baby
Ah the Beanery. Legendary West Hollywood drinking establishment, Barney’s Beanery is kind of like an old girlfriend of mine, a fucking great time with the possibility the night may result in an arrest of some sort. I have been happily single for the past year or so and in that time I have found myself hanging out at this little gem quite a bit. Hell, in a whiskey induced haze last summer I tried to drag Lou over the patio railing cause he didn’t call me back or some pussy shit like that (I think I was on my man-period or something and Lou was gracious enough to accept my SorryIGotDrunk olive branch of Golden Tee and pitchers at the scene of the crime the next day. Like I said, great fucking time. The decor is straight out of a Hazzard repair garage. Keep in mind this place is in the heart of West Hollywood with bars called SPIKE, TRUNKS and COME GET DICK HERE (ok, I made that last one up) so what is essentially a rough and tumble biker bar (at least the Southern Cali version of one) is a nice change of pace. I will not go so far as to say that I support the sign that used to reside at the entrance pronouncing NO FAGS ALLOWED. People are not “doing drinks” at Barneys, they are tossing back little brain cell assassins quicker then Tom Cruise can take a bride.
Monday’s Hangover: The Liveblog Experiment – Updated 8:01pm
Hey kids, Lou here… You know, sometimes I wonder how the hell I ended up with a website named SorryIGotDrunk, then I wake up at midnight on a Sunday night, drunk in the back seat of my car parked on some random street in Hollywood with a freaking parking ticket on the windshield and somehow it all makes sense. I’m still piecing the details of the weekend together. I remember there was a party with the TVgasm crew on Saturday.. I’m pretty sure that Lazlo got arrested or something like that.. I’m sure there’s more that will come to me as the day progresses so I’m going to try something new today. I’m going to liveblog Monday, in a sense. I’m going to start listing stuff I’m thinking about, and as more stuff comes to me, I’ll add them. So check back throughout the day and maybe I’ll have some funny shit there for ya. But just know, there’s also a distinct chance I’ll pass out before lunch and get fired for sleeping at my desk. Again.
- I had planned on posting something about the fact that there was no new Cruise News™ this weekend, then of course, this happens. Well played Tommy. Well played.
- Why are there a million unbelievably hot girls in LA and yet I go home and Tivo Jessica Simpson videos? Jesus Christ.
- Saw Hitch on Netflix this weekend. One word. Areyoufuckingkiddingme?
Actual Conversation From Happy Hour At Cabo Cantina Last Friday
S-Lo: … But my nipples are always hard. It sucks. Guys don’t like that.
Lou: (sarcastic) Yeah, I know. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a guy say, “She’s cool and all, but her nipples are always hard. I just think I have to break up with her.”
S-Lo: But if they’re always hard, how do you know when she’s excited?
B-Side: When your finger is wet.
Pow! Boom! Bang! Zap! Crap!
Hey all, spotdog here with this week’s PreView Reviews…
Batman Begins – So, everyone got all upset when Schumacher gayed up Batman & Robin, right? But really, the Dynamic Duo? Come on. Bruce and Dick have always been TV’s first openly gay couple. Anyone who dresses up in rubber and swings around town with his little buddy, who by the way is named after that ferocious little bird that lays brown eggs – scary, is obviously involved in an “alternative lifestyle,” if you will. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.*
So what about this new movie? Shit, how am I supposed to know? I haven’t even seen the freakin’ movie yet. How do you expect me to give a review? Damn. It looks good, but it’s surely crap. How ’bout five. Yeah. Five Drinks.
5 Drinks to Enjoy
The Perfect Man – Seriously folks, this is getting ridiculous. Lizzie McGuire trying to hook up her mom, the MILF from Dallas, with that guy, Mr. Big from Sex And The City? It’s getting harder and harder to not just toss around my 10 Drink Rating like E Pills at a German rave. Mmmm. German rave. E pills. Uh, wait, where was I? Oh yeah, well, Horse Teeth McDuff alone virtually warrants the rating, but just because I’ve been a bit too liberal with it lately, and really, who gives a fuck about this abc family bullshit anyways? I’m going home.
13 Sleeping Pills and 1 Bottle of Everclear to Enjoy
*© Jerry Seinfeld, 1994
Colin Farrell Quote Of The Day
From Page Six:
“Colin Farrell emerging from a magazine shop at Sunset Boulevard and Poinsettia with a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a porn video in the other as a brunette bombshell waited in the driver’s seat.”
Besides Colin remaining a God amongst men, (“Wait in the car, baby, I need smokes and a vid”), I feel I also have to mention that I used to live right next to this very newsstand and I have also emerged from it with a pack of smokes and some porn. The brunette bombshell? Well, it depends on your definition of bombshell. If you mean a brown haired girl that makes you want to drop her out of a plane, then, yes, I also had a brunette bombshell.
SorryIGotDrunk Buyer’s Guide: Dead Rodent Decanter Edition
Seriously, forget the Beamer or the Roofies, nothing makes a girl’s legs fall open faster than whipping out your dead stuffed cute little fluffy squirrel at the bar, ripping its cute little fuzzy head off and sucking down some dark brown grain alcohol out of its stiff, lifeless body.
So, with that, I offer you The Squirrel Liquor Decanter brought to you by Custom Creature Taxidermy Arts. And if you’re in the mood to be a little grossed out and most likely disturbed, check out the other wonderful dead animal gifts they offer, like the Cat Mummy or the Bisected Bull Testicle. Fun for the whole family.
Lazlo’s Top Ten Things You Do Not Want To Hear A Chick Say In A Bar
Chatting up chicas in bars is always an interesting social experiment. Lazlo has heard many things come out of girls’ mouths. OK, that is a lie. I have been there and they have said stuff, but usually I am just staring at their fun bags. Here are the worst things you can hear come of a broad’s pie hole.
10. ”Let me tell you about my Ex” – There is no way this could end in anything but me listening to a pair of tits instead of slobbering all over them. The girl is obviously not in to you, and you run not walk to the closest whore house, cause off of this girl you are not getting shit.
9. ”The Pistons will cover the spread but there is no way they hit the over.” – No one is a bigger sports fan then me, and I love a chick that will watch/go to the game with me, but if she is in to it more then I am, SCARY. Also what the fuck am I going to bring to the conversation? It would be nice to nail her and then watch sports center together but experience tells me that you will be just watching Sports Center together and you will be pulling it alone.
