Archive for June, 2005
Yahoo! Headline Of The Day
Jun 23rd 2005
Well, Marijuana’s Marijuana-like Chemicals Postpone Boredom, Work, Girlfriend’s Bitching, Bills, Responsibility, shit, I could go on and on… And let’s give it up for the brain, huh? Stepping up and getting us all high instead of all hurty. Yeah, brain!
Top Ten Things To Do If You Want To Get Fired
Jun 23rd 2005
So, my job really sucks today and I would like to quit, but for some reason I think it would be more fun to make them fire me. And it is with this mindset that I bring you this week’s list…
10. COME TO WORK WITHOUT SHOWERING – Really want to piss of those fuckers that make your mind melt with their stupidity. Work up a stench so bad that no one will be able to get near you. For a little extra kick, toss some rotting fish guts down your pants. As Yoda would say ”Laid, you will not get… But severance package, have you will.”
9. START PREACHING SCIENTOLOGY – Alright I’ll admit it, this one made the list solely because I hate Tom Cruise. I have avoided talking about it so far because it seems like everyone is doing it and even though I am Irish, I do not like beating people that are down. He is a pig fucker, plain and simple. It is kind of just amazing that we all have not noticed until now. It really tells you the power of these fuck ball celebrity’s PR Flacks. Good ones have you seeming like the all American boy who everyone ones to fuck their apple pie-assed daughters. Bad ones (or sisters, instead of good ones) have people counting the days until your movie tanks and hoping he moves to Santa Barbara and some Scientology hating DA plants kiddy porn in his IMAC. If there is a non alien-god out there, I would like use this forum to ask him to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let us find Tom Cruise dead in some seedy motel with a male hooker and a mound of Coke that he PERSONALLY, PERSONALLY just got off of. All kidding aside, I will buy beers if anyone shoots the guy in the head with something non liquid.
Please Tilt Your Beer Bottle Up To Its Upright Position And Prepare For Yeah-Ha
Jun 23rd 2005
Hey Kids, Lazlo here. Nothing warms the soul like the story of someone doing something really stupid while drunk. Hell, it’s the reason I get up in the morning. Philippe Patricio and a couple of Connecticut buddies, got wicked wasted and stole a 4 seat Cessna from the Danbury (Conn.) Airport for a little 3 hour stroll through the New England Skies. Good so see all of those folks up in the Northeast take their airport Security Seriously. Philly, this Bud’s for you.
This is Lazlo saying… You can’t stop the drunks. You can only hope to contain their flight paths.
Don’t Spill Me Bloody Beer
Jun 22nd 2005
Another bloody Wednesday, another bloody link to get you through the next 5-10 minutes of your boring ass day until us drunks here can think of something funny to write about.
So, I give you “Mind Me Bloody Beer”. A flash game in which you once again try to prevent the spillage of a beer, except this time you’re not even walking down the street like the other two games, you’re just trying to keep the glass level. This is where I usually have problems in real life. I can fall on my ass and not spill a drop, but sit me down on a barstool and your shoes will be soaked in no time.
Snagged from Best Week Ever Blog.
Battle Of The Network Reality Drunk All Stars
Jun 21st 2005
Hey all, spotdog here. I’ve been meaning to get this story out for a while, but everytime I started it, I realized that I could do it no justice being that the gang from TVgasm would soon be doing their write up on the evening. So, if you’re at all into the whole Reality TV thing check it out. And if you said you’re not, you’re probably lying. You filthy lying liar. How dare you lie to me?
The basic premise to said story was a drunken evening in Hollywood in which we got to observe these so-called reality stars in their natural environment.. A hipster bar called Geisha House. Yes, one of the places owned by Fez and The Kutch. B-Side, J Unit, and IndianJones do a great job of summing up the evening. I’ve only got a couple things that were purely spot.
So, check it out their story here… and then you can come back and read my piddly additions.
Jack & Coke & A Dildo
Jun 21st 2005
Again cementing his Christ-like status in my world, Jack Nicholson, while shooting a sex scene for The Departed, his new film directed by newcomer Marty Scorsese, was worried that “there wasn’t enough Jack in his character” and decided to bring some his own ideas to the proverbial table. So, how do you get more “Jack” in the room? Apparently by bringing in dildos and doing some lines of coke off the ass of your co-star. And of course, “Marty said, ‘Go for it!’” Shit, he probably had a bag in his pocket. Scorsese’s done more blow than Hurricane Andrew (rimshot!). Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.
The Lazlo Ponders Life’s Most Important Questions Series Presents: Bean Town Baby
Jun 21st 2005
Ah the Beanery. Legendary West Hollywood drinking establishment, Barney’s Beanery is kind of like an old girlfriend of mine, a fucking great time with the possibility the night may result in an arrest of some sort. I have been happily single for the past year or so and in that time I have found myself hanging out at this little gem quite a bit. Hell, in a whiskey induced haze last summer I tried to drag Lou over the patio railing cause he didn’t call me back or some pussy shit like that (I think I was on my man-period or something and Lou was gracious enough to accept my SorryIGotDrunk olive branch of Golden Tee and pitchers at the scene of the crime the next day. Like I said, great fucking time. The decor is straight out of a Hazzard repair garage. Keep in mind this place is in the heart of West Hollywood with bars called SPIKE, TRUNKS and COME GET DICK HERE (ok, I made that last one up) so what is essentially a rough and tumble biker bar (at least the Southern Cali version of one) is a nice change of pace. I will not go so far as to say that I support the sign that used to reside at the entrance pronouncing NO FAGS ALLOWED. People are not “doing drinks” at Barneys, they are tossing back little brain cell assassins quicker then Tom Cruise can take a bride.