Again cementing his Christ-like status in my world, Jack Nicholson, while shooting a sex scene for The Departed, his new film directed by newcomer Marty Scorsese, was worried that “there wasn’t enough Jack in his character” and decided to bring some his own ideas to the proverbial table. So, how do you get more “Jack” in the room? Apparently by bringing in dildos and doing some lines of coke off the ass of your co-star. And of course, “Marty said, ‘Go for it!’” Shit, he probably had a bag in his pocket. Scorsese’s done more blow than Hurricane Andrew (rimshot!). Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.