Because of that damn hot Carl’s Jr. ad, I have found myself humming I LOVE PARIS IN THE SUMMER all of the freaking time the last couple of days. I also found myself in the midst of some self-love, but who hasn’t. But today after I pulled my pants up and cleaned myself off, I found myself thinking about summer. The weather outside has been hotter then the dream I had one time where I was doing Jessica Alba from behind when her head fell off and she turned into, uh huh yeah you probably do not want to hear where it went from there. So in honor of the solstice, I give you
THE TOP TEN REASONS SUMMER KICKS ASS
But because this is SorryIGotDrunk.com, what I am really bringing you is…
THE TOP TEN REASONS DRINKING IN THE SUMMER KICKS ASS

10. DRINKING TO COOL OFF – There are many reasons to drink (trust me on this I find a new one everyday), but drinking when you are parched is why drinking was invented. And few things are better then that ice cold intoxicating beverage on a hot as ball sack day. Those are the moments that you know the there is a god, and at that moment he probably has a cold one in her barcalounger in the sky.
9. DRINKIN ON THE GO – I know that sounds bad, but for once I am not talking about drinking and driving. During the summer people always seem to be headed here or there. If they are like me they are also polishing off a drink or as I like to call them “pain go bye-bye juice.” Being from the Midwest, pub crawls are brutal during the winter months. But summer means you can flip flop it from dry heave hole to dry heave hole.
8. DRINKING ON THE 4TH OF JULY – Nothing makes me feel more patriotic then getting sloshed and blowing up shit. Funny how patriotism and acting like a redneck go hand in hand.
7. DRINKING WITH GIRLS IN BIKINIS – Girls wearing hardly anything + Me Drinking + Me wearing sunglasses that hide my eyes = ME HAPPY.
6. DRINKING ON VACATION – Most of the known universe takes vacations during the summer. I seem to even though I have not had an official “Summer Break” in 6 years. And there is nothing like drinking in new places. I find it the best way to soak in the local culture.
5. DRINKING WHEN IN THE EVENING WHEN IT IS STILL LIGHT OUT – I hate the fact that I do not get out of work until 7 each night. It sucks Lou’s third Nipple. [Ed. Note: No one. And I mean NO ONE sucks my third nipple!] So when I trudge home after a long day of shoveling creative shit, I head straight for the cocktail dispenser (my fridge) and get something to calm my nerves. After I polish off the drink or so, I move away from the fridge and what is that I see coming in the window? The L.A. Sunset. God damn it feels good to be a gangster.
4. DRINKING BUDWEISER IN THE SUMMER. – If you know Laz you know that this is a staple. But somehow the rice and hops that have been given to us by the king himself just seems a little sweeter in the summer months.
3. DRINKING DURING CUBS GAMES. – Ah, the holiest of holiest events. I lost a relationship after a girlfriend witnessed my binge drinking during the 2003 playoffs and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Baseball sucks for a lot of reasons but if you do not enjoy have a beer at a baseball game on a nice summer day, then damn it you have no love in that black pit you call a heart.
2. DRINKING AT THE BEACH. – While I am not the biggest beachgoer in So Cal, I do loves me a cocktail by the ocean. Maybe I listened to too much Jimmy Buffet during my formative years, but with the waves in the background I swear my buzz seems a little more buzzy. Which leads us back to…
1. DRINKING WITH GIRLS IN BAKINIS. I swear, the invention of the bikini is up there with the Wheel and Born On Dating the side of beer bottles as the most innovative thing man has pooped out of his brain.
And with that…
I am headed to the bar.
Lazlo