lazlo.jpgAh, our crazy step brothers to the south. Of all of the “People of the Sauce,” (Lazlo’s way of categorizing his favorite historically drinking races), I would have to say that the Mexican people are a close 2nd to my own half heritage, the Irish. And living in Los Angelexico, I can not help but love a culture so rich in drunkenness that the (WARNING: totally made up Lazlo fact) Aztec were the first people to have a word for sloshed. The people of Mexico have given us so much in the way a nebriation that I feel the need to honor them with an outwardly drunken dance……..ah maybe I will save that for when I get off of work. Until then I will honor the proud people of Mexico with:
LAZLO’S TOP TEN FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT MEXICO


10. Sombreros – What better way to sleep of a hangover then with a really big fucking hat? No one can see how blood shot your eyes are, and if it is big enough it can keep people at bay for your wrecked grain alkie breath.
9. Drunken Character Actors in Old Westerns – Where would the Danny Trejos of today be without “I have no idea what his name was but he had a big stash and played the drunk passed out in the sun in all of those John Wayne movies” guy of yesterday.
8. Futbol – I just think it is cute that people below the border are so into the NFL that they have a cute little nickname for it.
7. Mexican food – Nothing better or worse for a hangover or drunken stupor then Mexican food. If you have not had a Chulupa from an all night Taco Bell drive-in at 4:30 in the morning, you have not lived, Amigo.
6. Chicas – Latin Women: They drink, they fight, they fuck….they are Lazlo with an extra X chromosome. They cook for their man and they, unlike how Lou likes his women, have the meat in all the right places, so to speak. Mamacita, Lazlo likely.
5. TJ – There are no words that excite and strike fear in my liver like TJ. It is kinda like dating a girl that can drink more than you. It is not going to end well but the adventure is worth it. TJ is like the Vegas for hard core degenerate drunks with very little money. I will let Lou fill you in on all of the details but let me just say this one thing……if a stripper asks you if you want a special lap dance in TJ, make sure you are UP for it cause it will be memorable to say the least.
4. Budweiser – I just can not have a top ten list without the King.
3. Tequila – A friend of mine once described a drinking situation to me that is the best way I can describe drinking Tequila. He had been drinking rum all not in high quantities and then switched over to tequila for shot and lost the contents of his dinner lunch and about 3 days worth of breakfasts OVER (note I said over not on) a bar. He told me that he was Chillin’ on Captain Morgan’s yacht just sailing along, when he notices a dusty El Camino tearing ass on the shore swerving all over the place and hitting little old ladies with baby strollers everywhere he went. Sure enough it was Jose and there was no way that he was going to make it out of the water alive if Jose had anything to say about it. Next thing he knew the Captain had been tied up and Jose was forcing him to rape his sister. I will tell that story to my friends kid when he is 12.
2. Chicas – Lordy, they so nice I had to pick them twice.
1. Mexicans – Great people. Great culture. So, all you sorry ass drunks raise a glass of your favorite cerveza to the 51st state – VIVA MEXICO. Long may she wave.