Sean Penn Isn’t Funny. No Really, I Mean It. He’s An Asshole.

Howdy Hollywood Honeys and Homies!
It’s your favorite Hollywood sell-out, spotdog, here with the first Hollywood Update! Some of you might remember me from my freelance reporting over at TVGasm serving up Hot Lesbian Action scoops on the OC and posing as a fan to get camera phone pics of Allegedly Gay Bachelors. But now I’ve found a permanent home here at SorryIGotDrunk.
Well, enough of the introductions, let’s get to the Pre-View Reviews for this weekend.
The Interpreter – From the director of “Tootsie” and “Out of Africa” comes this roaring comedy where Nicole Kidman attempts to insert the Aramaic words for “cooter” and “mutherfucker” into every conversation. Sean Penn’s best work since “Shanghai Surprise.”

5 Drinks To Enjoy
King’s Ransom – You see, it’s a cliche and it’s his name, get it? They kidnapped a guy named KING! And held him for RANSOM! Goddamn, that’s good comedy! You’ll laugh so hard you’ll think you were kidnapped, too!

7 Drinks To Enjoy
Kung Fu Hustle – Singing, Dancing, Flying Asian Gangsters? Quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever heard of. And I’ve listened to that Pat O’Brien tape, like, 50 times.

2 Tsingtaos to Enjoy
A Lot Like Love – The only reason to see this movie is to see if Amanda Peet shows her tits again, and since I read she doesn’t and Ashton Kutcher gets naked instead, I just slit my wrists.

10 Drinks and Possibly a Hooker to Enjoy
Breakdown of Ratings after the jump…

0 Drinks: There is no movie so great that couldn’t be enhanced by at least one drink.

See 0.

A modern day classic!

There is no movie so great that couldn’t be enhanced by at least three drinks.

You can comfortably not worry about missing anything on a piss break.

How does Ashton Kutcher keep working anyhow?

Amazed that they actually got the film in the camera.

Yelling at the screen.

Drunk, talking on your cell phone loudly during the movie.

Puking on the floor.

Comatose – Thoroughly enjoying the movie.