Not sure if I used those quotes correctly. Moving on…
Firefly. The newest, hippest place for B and C Level celebrities to flock. So, now I’ve been twice, and each time ran into no less than 4 of them, just hanging out with us, the slightly lesser peasants of L.A.
So who knew that hanging out in a bar in “The Valley,” (and I mean that in the pure OC sense of the term), could yield such high superstar results?

Last Thursday, my inaugural visit to the ‘Fly, as I’m calling it now, (aren’t I hip and clever?), as I’m walking in, who do I run into but Allison Hannigan and husband Alexis Denisof of “Buffy” fame.
Insert lame “One time at band camp” joke here: ________________________________________.
Go ahead, I’ll wait… Done? Okay, where were we?
Moments later though, I had what I can only describe as a involuntary spasm as I spotted the one and only Scott Baio. My brain obviously not prepared for the Charles in Charger, I nearly fell off my chair and screamed like a little girl. I can’t say I’m proud of this, but shit, sometimes things like that just happen. I mean, come on, is there a hot actress in this town that he hasn’t screwed? I think in order for new actresses to activate their SAG card, they have to call an 800 number that goes right to his cell phone. I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere, YANK maybe, don’t remember.
Later that night, there was also a Jason London sighting. Not nearly as exciting as Baio, but I feel it had to be mentioned. And yes, I knew it was Jason, not Jeremy. Let’s just say I have a history with his girlfriend and spotted her as they walked in the door.
So, moving on to last night. Back at the “Fire”, as I’m calling it now. After work function. Never pass up the opportunity to get soused and make a fool of myself with the people I have to see every day and who hold the key to my future success, right? By the way, can I say, who would’ve thought that making bad decisions in life would actually come back and affect my life. Listening to all these Gen-Xers talking about their houses that they’ve bought and sold and their Beemers and shit made me realize something. From 25 to 35, you don’t really look that much different, but Jesus, I guess that good credit shit was true. While I was running around drinkin’, druggin’, & whorin’, these people were paying back credit cards and shit, I guess. I can’t even finance a freakin’ hamburger now. But, Goddamn it, I sure had a great time. And like I’ll really miss those brain cells. Who needs a house, right? Ha. Sorry – back to the important stuff…
So, I walk in, and sitting at the first table is Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald of “The Kids in the Hall” with family. This, I know, is not too exciting, but there’s more with them later.
I make my way back to my group, realize that it’s going to be one of “those” nights by the appearance of tumblers with clear booze and large glasses of wine in each of their hands. I decide to stay above water and only get a Stella from the incredibly hot waitress, Amanda, who throughout the night managed to thwart my repeated attempts to hit on her with elegance and grace. And even as I followed her home and gazed into her bedroom window last night, I couldn’t help but be impressed with her abilities at pushing me away with dignity. Lou + Amanda 4-Ever.
So a few more of those Stellas later, nature calls. And this is when things started to get interesting. Around the corner I go and we’ve got Brandon Walsh, THE Jason Priestley, sitting having dinner. Across from him, at another table, there’s Lou Diamond Phillips. I couldn’t help thinking of the buddy comedy there waiting to happen. I’m still working out the details of the script, but I’m sure there’s tens of hundreds of dollars waiting to be made there.
Quick side note: Firefly, like a lot of L.A. Bars now has a unisex bathroom. Now I don’t have a problem with this per se, but it does leave me with a quandary. Obviously, there are no urinals. Even in L.A. The girls can’t piss standing up – at least not at this bar. So, I use a toilet. The problem comes afterward. I was taught (i.e. beaten with reeds) to put the seat down when I’m done. But if I put it down, then will the girl behind me think that I just pissed with the seat down? And if I leave it up, doesn’t that just make me look like an inconsiderate prick? I am one, but that’s besides the point. Seems like a lose-lose proposition for guys. Kind of like most things concerning women, I suppose. Oh well, I digress.
So back to the group, but now Foley is coming over with his little girl to “chat”. We exchange pleasantries, crack a few jokes back and forth, and the whole time he’s looking at me strangely. Like he knows me from somewhere. Well, he did. In a former life, I was an assistant to the stars, (actual job title), and we were both at an awards show together. I don’t want to say which one, for fear of legal repercussions, but let’s just say they were supposed to be funny, hence the name of the show, and alas were not.
So Dave does a gag onstage that he’s drunk, and everyone assumes it was a joke. But when he returned backstage to the green room, it was evident that he was not kidding. He was running around screaming ridiculously funny things that have unfortunately long been expunged from my memory. Well, long story short, he forgot his gift bag and I, being the inconsiderate prick that I am, (see paragraph nine), commandeered it for him, and up until just a few months ago had a sign hanging in my apartment that read “To: David Foley – Thanks,” or something to that effect. It was a great story then, and it was only made better in my head as I watched him squirm trying to figure out who the hell I was. I’ll check at home tonight and see if i still have it and get a pic for ya.
The night ended with Elijah Wood waiting in line for his car at valet. Nothing too exciting. I may have yelled out “Frodooooo” in my best Butabi brother impression. Or at least thought about it. Not sure. Let’s just say that they’ll be seeing a lot more of me at this little gem of a place.
Sorry I didn’t get any cool camera phone pics. I need to really start being more obnoxious with that thing – for you guys.
Final Bar Tab:
$30.00 – 6 Stella Artois (One was purchased for me)
$10.00 – Tip (I Heart Amanda)
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$40.00 – Can’t beat that in L.A. for this much good shit.
As always, Mahalo – Lou